Kayla & Rafa’s Story

Our midwives.

What I remember from our first visit was Grace pausing and saying, “May I touch your belly?” with hands clasped, waiting for consent. The answer was always, “Of course!”

It was such a small thing, but it's a big thing for building trust.

I remember being offered tea at every visit, the inviting yellow walls of both Grace and Emme's offices, getting to hear the heartbeat and look at the baby egg. Crying so much at visits when I didn't want to, dealing with what went on during pregnancy, and being met with steady tenderness and space to let it happen.

I don't have a delivery portion that gets highlighted on a home birth Instagram, but I did have prenatal, labor and postpartum care that's seared into my memory.

I remember Grace sending me an organized PDF of instructions for managing gestational diabetes and I remember this exact response when my fasting sugars dropped 20 points overnight after Traditional Chinese Medicine & acupuncture, “Holy shit!!! I could cry Kayla, this is amazing. -G” My cheerleader when I couldn't do it for myself.

I remember Emme's steady hands belly mapping at 38 weeks and asking so genuinely, “Who is this baby going to be?” and asking if I was dreaming about Lucia yet.

I remember Grace's strong hands on my neck when labor was long, and her sharing a bowl of soup with us before she left for a break when labor slowed.

I remember Emme stopping by from a different long labor with extra supplies and accidentally breaking the news that I wasn't very far dilated at all, and having Grace gasp, mouth agape, that I didn't want to know. (I'm laughing as I type that, it's funny now.)

I remember Grace's calm, serious tone in the middle of the night when she told me it was time to go to the hospital for continuous monitoring. I remember herbs and food, but mainly their presence.

My water broke Sat 10/29 at 5:27am all over our pink bathroom rug and I just said “fuck” because I wasn’t ready. I was 39 weeks, 4 days and thought I had at least two more weeks based on family history. At that moment, I thought nothing of her less-than-optimal positioning, or dilation, or a hard labor ahead. I just didn’t feel quite ready, even though we had every detail of our home birth list checked twice.

Contractions started within an hour, and I don’t remember much about them besides they felt relentless - even doing Hypnobabies. We called for doula support early on and Jess was there by noon. My contractions were coming strong and regular, and really not giving me much rest. Our doula said it was time to get our midwife Grace there, by the looks of it.

Sometime around 3:30pm, she arrived and a backup birth assistant too, since Emme was at another labor. In labor, you really do lose all sense of time and I thought I was pushing “by noon.” I was definitely in the tub, grunty and moaning and fooling everyone including myself thinking I was ready to push. (A labor education moment in hindsight— if your baby is posterior it can make you feel the urge to bear down and push before you’re fully dilated. Does a laboring woman think about these things? Sure didn’t.)

After a little while of this and Rafa in the tub to catch our babe, Grace asked permission to check me. We’d had convos about this, because I didn’t want to be checked in general and if checked, I didn’t want to know my progress (I hate people waiting on me.)

Little did I know I was only 2cm —- not even in active labor. I didn’t give it much thought at the time, but I knew Grace sent the birth assistant home, so the baby wasn’t coming anytime soon. In my mind I thought I was dilated more than that, but I didn’t have any certain number.

We did so many positions and exercises to turn the baby. Take your pick: Captain Morgan, lifts & tucks, side lying release, the birth ball, the birth pool, curb walks.

By Sat night into night shift, my supports were starting to rotate naps. I think Rafa got some rest while I lift-and-tucked my way through 10 contractions. The middle parts of labor are super blurry, so I’m telling them to the best accuracy I know.

Overnight into Sunday as dilation and positioning remained the same, we started going through our list of chiropractors who would maybe make a house call. Dr Danielle Finden came at 1 am to assess, see about any pelvic adjustments and do acupuncture on me. I remember her being so attentive, gentle and compassionate. I had never met her and trusted her touch fully.

Overnight, my midwife Grace advised IV hydration and was getting worried about my exhaustion level. Let it be known she put the IV in on the first try (she is a phlebotomist) and that cannot be said of anyone at the hospital in my many weeks there.

Me sharing my story is just that - me sharing what I want to process. It’s not to convince you that homebirth is for everyone. But I do want to share that I felt confident and safest at home in my time there. Lucia and I were being closely assessed and supported with things like IV fluids *at home*.

Sunday morning Emme popped by in-between her own long birth attending.

We went for this beautiful autumn curb walk. Labor was stalling out. Which would be fine if my water wasn’t broken with that clock ticking. We talked about taking a reset break as it was 1.5 days into labor. We sat and ate Eileen’s amazing beef soup from the freezer with Grace, and I remember she was really happy to get some real food into me.

Our birth workers went home to rest for a few hours and give us space. Rafa and I laid down too and got a little nap until contractions picked back up that night, with the unfortunate arrival of some light meconium staining in my fluids. So light I wasn’t sure and photographed it. By the second bathroom trip it was definitely meconium, and thicker. Both our vitals had been good and showing no signs of distress so it wasn’t a reason to transfer at that moment, but it added a layer of urgency for something to change.

Not too long after that, Grace told us that it was time to move to the hospital. My birth became very complex, and ended surgically. After I was taken back to surgery, Grace held and prepped Rafa. I would find out later she gave Rafa her motherwort tincture to take before he joined me. She brought me a bigger bottle later.

Outside of Rafa’s head resting on the railing of my bed, I woke up to Grace’s face, still in my corner four days later on the afternoon of 11/1.

In the postpartum time Lucia and I both continued to experience medical complications that kept us in the hospital for longer than normal. My healing was long. Emme came, lotion in hand and rubbed my very swollen feet when I was trapped in a hospital bed. She knitted a bright little hat for Lucia. Grace brought smoothies to the hospital and sat when we couldn't process yet. Emme brought stew five weeks postpartum when we brought Lucia home.

These are photos from our six week postpartum visit. I just needed to hear that we (I) did everything we could, and Grace spoke the word “perseverance” over me until I cried.

These women are a force of a team and two of the best midwives you could find. Thank you. We love you. We will always remember your care.

Jill’s Birth Story